


Short Stories 3: The Witty Henchmen League in Do we get paid enough for this shit?

by RyuKlinge



Series: Short Stories [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 08:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8571829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyuKlinge/pseuds/RyuKlinge
Summary: Welcome to the third installment of my short story series. The characters this time are the only team of Henchmen that get the job done. The Witty Henchmen League, the Henchmen with Names! Forget the big bad, forget the heroes. The Henchmen are the heroes of this story.





	

“Stop do-gooder! You will not get by the powerful powerhouse, Dirk!” The burly, bearded one. “The mastermind of the master mind, Edward!” The Black-haired, leader looking one. “Or the stylish striker, Casanova!” The long-haired ginger, dazzling one. The Three loud men each in matching uniforms stand in front of the this generic looking super hero. Dirk Under the hero's legal representation we aren't allowed to name or describe him under fear of legal suit. The all go in to weird poses and shout out: “We are the Witty Henchmen League! We are the Henchmen who get things done and stop heroes like you!” Edward shouts pointing his finger at the hero who cleverly went past them during their posing. “Applesauce! This always happens, why don't they listen?!” Dirk kicks a random can near his foot, that was conveniently put there for Dirk to kick. “They are just afraid of our dashing good looks and excellent poses.” Casanova flips his dashingly good hair. “Enough we can ponder this later, we must chase after [REDACTED] before he stops our boss, [REDACTED] from achieving his master plan!” Dirk and Casanova nod as Edward motivates them. The three of them chase after the hero as fast as they can which isn't as fast as they'd like. By the way I bet you're wondering why A. Who the W.H.L.'s boss is [REDACTED] Well we all signed a NDA about it. And B. You must be wondering who I am and who's telling the story. Well I am... *KERPLENK!!!* the narrator hits the ground from that can that Dirk kicked earlier hit in directly in the head. “Applesauce it! You knocked out the narrator Dirk, now who's going to tell our amazing adventure?!” Edward said agitated. “Don't worry Eddie...This looks like a job for Exotic one! Casanova!” I shouted with exclamation as I Casanova decided to take over the narrating job from that unknown person who was knocked from a can. We continued on our adventure chasing after the Pe... “You can't call the hero by his name Casanova, his lawyers would sew the hell out of us! And we don't have the money to fight them!” Edward exclaims at me with his commanding voice. “He's getting away and I haven't hit anyone yet, this is not a good outing for us. So enough babbling and let's move it.” The brutal Dirk shouted at us and we moved forward barely keeping up with the hero who shan’t be named. Now since we don't want to bicker on about the nitty gritty; after some trial and ever we caught up with the hero confronting are boss. “Quickly Casanova, Dirk attack him!” Our leader shouted at us. Dirk, our powerhouse normally just caries gun. Dirk pulls out his massive machine gun which is known as Crush Hour, which he reminds us all the time to call it that. He's even reminding me to call it that as I narrate our story. I pull out my trusty bouncy balls of beauty bashing. Dirk charges at the distracted hero and slams the Crush Hour right in his mid-back. While the hero writhed in pain I throw my bouncy balls at his head and knock him right into the wall. The hero fell to the ground in beautiful fashion from the dual dynamics of myself and Dirk. “Great shot Casanova, he didn't see that coming! Crush Hour keeps earning his name here!” I bow graciously. “I only take advantage of our teamwork.” However it seems that our job wasn't finished right there. As our leader shouted at the two of us celebrating our work. “Are you guys going to celebrate or fight the monster in front of us?!” Unbeknownst to Dirk and I, the boss we were working for successfully completed his experiment. That horribly backfired and turned himself into a monster. “What the applesauce happened to it? That thing has absolutely no beauty to it!” I screamed in terror as I saw the [REDACTED] form of our boss. Heh I guess I can't describe what it is then, anyways we moved in to fight it. Edward our boss headed straight at it with his fists. This horrendous monstrosity was getting knocked back easily by our leader. See he doesn't care much for weapon and he wasn't lying when he said he's the mastermind of the master mind. He has this special ability known as master mind it allows him to be the master of whatever the situation calls for. At least that's what he tells us it is. “Are you going to narrate or fight Casanova, any of your exotic weapons could help right now!” The mastermind yelled at me a bit annoyed. Dirk ran up to with the Crush Hour and struck it hard in the leg. The monster screamed and went down to one knee. Edward took the moment and jumped up into the air right at the monster's head. With a beautiful punch he knocked the monster back. I guess it is my time to shine as I pull out of my delightful darts of devastation. I pull back and throw the 3 darts in an elegant motion in the monster's chest. The full force of the darts combined with my team's attacks knocked him right out of the building. I hope we don't have to pay for that wall he just destroyed. We don't have the best insurance. Anyways, following Edward and Dirk, we chase after the collapsed monster boss. “Excellent, my friends. It seems we have succeeded in working over time!” I shouted with glee because we could use more money. “That we did buddy, but next time focus on fighting and less narrating.” Dirk spoke such harsh words to me, I happen to think I'm doing great at both fighting and narrating. “Your narrating again aren't you? The monster is getting back up and you are too focused in your head. Now Casanova focus, we need everything we have to take this monster down. Let's go Witty Henchmen League!” Edward shouted with such brilliance that I am pumped up for this fight. The monster roared at us then tried to hit us with it's mighty arms. I narrowly duck under it, Dirk tried to block it, and Edward jumped over it. Dirk has exceptional strength, which keeps him from getting knocked back from the blow; it also keeps the monster distracted enough for Edward and I to strike quick. We nod at each other as I bring out my trump card from my sleeve. The trump card is my playing card of power, obviously I'm the ace of hearts. Edward used his momentum of his jump to reach the head of the monster and grabs it mouth pulling it open as hard as he can. “Take the shot Casanova!” I launch the powerful playing card with phenomenal precision as it perfectly packs a punch of electricity to the back of the monster's mouth. I have a few trump cards that one was just like me; stunning. The electricity shocked the monster as it rattled to the ground slamming hard. Edward flips off the head of the monster before it fell and landed on his feet. “Glad you were able to focus and narrate that Casanova.” Edward said finding out my secret. “What how did you know I was narrating and fighting?” I said still shocked. “Because you're you, but that's what we like about you Casanova. Just don't expect to do it full time, the narrator will recover and take his job back.” Edward said raining on my parade. “Don't worry 'Nova, I bet you I'll knock out the narrator again sometime.” Dirk said chuckling because we all know it's true. “You're paying his hospital bill if you hurt him too much.” Edward told Dirk seriously because our leader does care about everyone on our team. The narrator is an important member he has a certain flair that I cannot match. Well thank you for the compliments Casanova; I have recovered so I'll handle it from here. “No worries, Narrator. Keep up your amazing job.” Casanova said to me as I recover from my headache. Well that ends our story as the Witty Henchmen League successfully defeated the monster... that's slowly getting up from the ground! Wait Witty Henchmen League! As I try to warn the protagonists of the danger behind them; a blurred being attacks the monster faster than I can see. Next thing I know the monster is back on the ground seemingly staying there from the mysterious figure that is no where to be seen. “What are you talking about Narrator? The monster still looks down to me; and what mysterious figure? Do I need to go back to narrating?” Casanova asks me. I tell Casanova I must have been seeing things because I'm still recovering and that I'm not giving up my narrating position, it's what I'm good at. Very strange indeed, who is that mysterious man and why did he help the Witty Henchmen League? Questions for another time. The Witty Henchmen League leave the scene celebrating their win in epic slow motion fashion. As they all shout together “Witty Henchmen League Forever!”


End file.
